Entry Nine: Who am I?
Words cannot begin to express the gratitude in my heart for you, O Lord. What took place these past couple of weeks, when your Church celebrated the Paschal Mysteries of your death and resurrection, has changed my life forever. Because of what happened to me, your love for all of your children has never been more evident than it is now. Being able to enter into prayer with you when you celebrated the Passover Seder meal showed me the true intimacy that you desire to have with your people. How much you longed to eat this meal with your apostles, and now, in this time, you still long to eat this meal with us, your beloved children. How you still long to give us the food that sustains us, not only in the world we live in now, but eternally. How this food provides the very sustenance that strengthens our souls to make them more like yours. You have given us the most perfect gift that we do not deserve, nor could we ever earn, and you rejoice in giving it. Who are we, O Lord, to you that you would do such a loving act as this?
I will not be able to fully comprehend the mystery in which you have called me to participate. You, O Lord, have called me to be your priest, and on that Most Holy Night, you willed to institute the sacred sacrament of the priesthood so that your children may never go a single day without receiving you. So that your children might understand that you always desire to be with them, that you desire to be their strength and joy. You demonstrated your love for your spotless bride in the most humble way. Your demonstration of washing the apostles’ feet revealed to me how you always desire to take care of us. You took the position of a slave so that we may understand the profound love with which you love us. My little mind still cannot possibly fathom that you, O Lord, the Alpha and the Omega, the one who created the universe with absolute ease, desire to wash my feet. Who am I that you, God—the infinite and all-powerful One—would desire to take care of me with such tenderness? How do you view me, Lord, that you would take the lowest position just to demonstrate your profound love?
God, my Savior, you understand how I am a sinner. You understand that whenever I forget you and your love, I choose myself over you. I choose the apparent pleasures of this world every time I forget that you are constantly loving me, and yet you still desire to wash me. You still desire to pour your love into me. This is something that I cannot fathom. Lord, I ask that you make my heart more grateful. Help me to understand your profound love more fully, so that I may serve your people just as you have done for me. Just as you continue to wash me clean and take the lowest position, help me to be right there with you. Teach me how to act with this kind of humility and love so that others may experience your divine goodness and mercy as well. You have made your love so apparent to me this Easter Triduum; help me to imitate you in the same manner. I am unworthy to receive such a gift of being your priest, and yet you still did it. You always use such weak and broken instruments to be vessels for bestowing your love in the hearts of your children. Thank you, Lord, for your profound goodness and infinite love for all of us. I will always rejoice because of your glorious resurrection.
